I just watched a video that made me strangely emotional, though I have the strangest feeling that most people would have just laughed at it, or switch it off after 30 seconds.

Why not take a look at it for yourself?

Perhaps its the song, perhaps its the dance, but somehow this video connected to me.
Law school, life or even love… its all about trying to make the best of what we can in slippery conditions, and in that process, we are often forcing ourselves to get up over and over again.

It’s painful, it’s humiliating, it may not even be necessary.

Yet in order to produce the best work in our lives, to live to the best of our ability or even just to fall in love… doesn’t it feel like we’re dancing on butter, and we have to keep picking ourselves up?

When you think about it, we really only have two choices- continue with the pain and grow stronger in the process, or just give up. No matter which option you choose, know that the song will eventually end, and there will be some rest before the next dance.

And that you will grow stronger in the process.

There was a sentence one of my new friends (or mate as they would say around here) that aptly sums up what I feel here after close to 5 weeks.

“I haven’t felt so stupid for a long time.”

And I don’t think I would be too far wrong to say that many of us who are doing law now are feeling the same.

Back home, some of us who has the benefit of working for a while before coming over know that although we are in no way the best in our field, we are good at what we do and we take pride in it.

With a background law and management diploma, and some 15+ months of working in a law firm, I’m supposed to be well ahead when it comes to understanding aspects of the law. If only I knew how little practice and theory has in common…

I believe even the JC or poly students that came over straight after their diploma or A’s would understand and agree with me when I say this, we may not be the cream of the crop, but we’re definitely not doing that badly.

Now however, it feels like I’ve moved from the top 25th percentile in Singapore to the bottom 25th percentile.

Everytime someone speaks, I am thrown into doubt. Is my understanding correct? I thought my answer was right, but then his answer makes much more sense, they speaks so confidently and passionately too…

There’s so much information going into our heads in lectures, and we’re supposed to read so many cases, lecture notes, textbooks, understand them, draw our own notes while preparing for tutorials and assignments at the same time as well as juggling some daily chores like cooking, washing up, socializing and so much more at the same time.

When you think about it, I can suddenly appreciate why there are such high failure rates for law here. It’s really one big culture shock.

At this stage I have to applaud everyone who has ever completed law school or its equivalent. I know now that the skills I learnt here will carry me through life, and while the pursuit of information is one big important step, it’s the life skills, the process of actually getting that degree that will go on with me in life.

Wish me luck as I continue my journey of swimming against the tide of information. If you are going through a similar challenge or ordeal in your life – let it be known that you are not alone in this journey.

Let us all work hard as we head towards our goal: one lecture, one tutorial, one assignment… one day at a time.

I got this from in my email from my dear sis some time back, and I think this serves as a wonderful reminder of how we have more choice and power over our life then you would think.

Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!” He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life. “Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested. “Yes, it is,” Jerry said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.” I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gun point by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?” I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. “Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked. Jerry continued, “…the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action.” ” What did you do?” I asked. “Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’”

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

I’ve been here in Australia for close to 3 weeks now. Although I have met many new faces and talked to many new people, I must admit I am closer to the Asians.

Perhaps its the sense of familiarity I get when I speak to them. After all, we have so much more in common. I find that the Singaporeans and Malaysians here for example, are really not that much different, and I am reminded after repeated interactions that my granddad originated from Malaysia!

From language to culture, I believe we tend to seek the familiar wherever we can, as it gives us a form of certainty and relief. Relief in the sense that you are not alone in this distant land, and that home is never that far away when you have another countryman or woman beside you.

There will be others who seek the familiar, only to purposefully distant themselves from it. Ultimately it is up to each individual to assess what he or she wants in their life.

While attending a Singaporean Student’s Society event earlier, I was struck with a realization that I had been doing what I did in Temasek Polytechnic some time ago, that there despite it being on the other end of the island (though in this context ‘world’ would be a better word), I had been subconsciously drawn to people who resemble some of the people I admire, respect, or even used to really like back in Singapore.

If you are in a faraway land as well, take a look at the people around you. The people you are friends with, the people you are closer to, the people you might be developing crushes on now. Do they remind you of someone else in your life? Or do I once again stand alone and have been over-thinking too much as usual?

It has been almost a week since i flew off on Valentine’s day for the island down under, and its been quite a week if i might say.

As I’ve met a few people who are headed here prior to actually landing here (among other stuff), I wasn’t too afraid about settling in unlike many of my other juniors. That being said, I was pretty lucky to bump into one of them right after I arrived in campus. Turns out that there’s already a group of people who has arrived before me, and they’ve been hanging out.

I joined the group, and collectively managed to get our bank accounts opened, student cards issued (most of the other students hasn’t gotten it yet even today), applied for a tax file number, got a metro card, got an International Calling Card and pre-paid card, shopped for linen and food, went to a nearby beach and so much more.

I’ve also spent the last few days trying to sort out Internet connectivity (I had to grab a new Skype ID today, and my email doesn’t seem to be working very well), and helping some people to set up their Internet, printers, and so on.

I didn’t think I would have problems adapting in, and all seems to be going on well so far. I’ve managed to meet quite a lot of people, though most of them are from Singapore and Malaysia (there’s really a lot of them here). That being said, I’ve also met a few people from Hong Kong, Taiwan, Thailand, China (just one so far), and even Japan! Haven’t got the chance to connect to the group of Koreans though…

Its going to be a challenge trying to juggle and make time for the various groups that I just mentioned, but I think therein lies much of the fun.

And I haven’t even really started talking to the non-asians yet~
I brought so much entertainment with me, and I haven’t really got a chance to use any of them yet. Its been that busy over here…

There are some things that needs getting used to though..
The weather- even though its still technically summer, the weather has been really cold for most of the days I’ve been here, and even when its sunny, it gets really windy so the coat has to be on most of the time, only for us to take it off when we reach the school building or our own rooms.

My own room- I finally get a room to myself! Hooray!

Meals – I guess I’m not used to thinking about what I should be eating only when I’m hungry, yet that seems like the norm here. I’m going to have to start cooking for myself soon, once i get my timetable organized. So far I’ve been living by a day by day basis and that seems really weird when my schedule has been packed for the past few weeks!

Last but not least- I know that this isn’t paradise. Last year, there were 6/10 people who did very badly in some of the year two subjects (that’s my year). While I’m not overly concerned, I know time management and consistency is going to be key to doing well here.

I’m still settling down in a sense, tomorrow marks the beginning of a 3 day bridging course for Law, and that’s where I’ll be doing my enrollment and other stuff.

It’s a long week ahead, and school starts next monday.

I’ll update this blog as and when, but if you’re on FB messenger or Whatsapp, feel free to contact me. And please do take care everyone…~

How has 2012 been for you so far?

Since my last post in 2011, it has been one crazy mess for me. Trying to juggle work(all the Court cases came up in the last couple of weeks) and trying to teach my understudy what I can, meeting and catching up with old friends, trying to make sure everything is done and settled before I reach Tasmania, ensuring I have everything I need when I reach…

2012 has been a rush of activity after activity, and I’m not even halfway through all that before school starts for me on 20th February 2012.

It’s been so crazy that I’ve suffered another outbreak on my face (some friends commented that I really look like a teenager now), and I spent the last 2 days just surfing the Net and well, sleeping.

They say that the most stressful event in your life is moving. I’ll say that what I’m going through isn’t too far the list as well.

I don’t really have too much to say at this stage, other than you’ll never appreciate how much work you’re doing and holding on to until you try to pass it on to someone else and realize the enormity of it.

Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the end of the month, when I can hopefully stop thinking about work and focus on preparing for the long stay ahead, and possibly squeezing in a couple of trips in that short 2 weeks.

Meanwhile, I wish everyone a happy Lunar New Year, as well as happy holidays!

The last day of 2011 is upon us, and there are many thoughts on my mind.
It has been an amazing year, and I will be expressing some of my thoughts here.

This will be a long post, as I want it to be a reference for me to refer to in the years ahead, and also for the people who wants to know a bit more about what I’ve gone through this year.
To sum up a year’s worth of thoughts in a post is going to be hard, but here goes.

For your convenience, I have segregated them into Work, WP, Heartbreaks, Life, others and what happens next.

Work:
Since I spend most of my working hours on work, I suppose this should be the first stop.

Though I started work in November 2010, it wasn’t really until the beginning of the year that work started picking up.
I remember being thrown into an environment where I was doing things I really did not understand, and I was basically just reacting to things, trying to stay afloat.

That didn’t work out very well though. It was one mistake after another, and before I reached Chinese New Year, the worse outbreak of my life decided to start on my face, which is probably not an inaccurate reflection of the internal turmoil I was facing. I was scared of doing things I didn’t understand, scared of making more mistakes whenever I did anything, and was virtually alone in that situation.

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Truth be told, I didn’t know how I survived through that and all of the entire year, but I know it started when I ironed out the expectations that my boss has of me, and being frank (and brave) enough to tell him I don’t know what I was doing- that certain things were beyond me and I needed help. Lots of it.

I also had to rely a lot on my classmates back in Temasek Polytechnic, colleagues and new friends. Let me say it now, Law has a very steep learning curve, and if you don’t have someone to guide you through it, you’re pretty much dead already. I’m thankful that I studied in TP not so much because of the syllabus (I don’t actually remember a lot about it), but because of the friends and connections I made that allowed me to know and call some of my saviors in my darkest moments of need. Thank you.

One of them I’ve spoken to was quite surprised I managed to hold on to the job in one piece despite the sometimes lack of support. It wasn’t until then that I started to take pride in how I managed my work, instead of feeling like I was being dumped from crisis to crisis. That perception shift really helped- I didn’t feel that helpless anymore.

Truly, 2011 was a year I learnt much about myself through work, and despite how I sometimes complain about work, I’m very thankful that it has helped to mold the way I am today.

The Workers’ Party:
It has been quite a year for my involvement in WP too. Things were heating up from the beginning of the year and I wasn’t able to commit as much as I wanted to.
Between the mental battles I had at work, there was another factor I needed to juggle – Distance. It’s no joke taking public transport for 60-75 minutes to reach a destination, join in the activities for usually a couple of hours, and then take the same journey back.

It’s one thing if the journey was comfortable as compared to the past, but we all know how really comfortable, quiet and reliable public transport has been the past year. Granted, the journey feels shorter with the iPad on my hands, but it doesn’t make it any less tiring.

One way to look at it would be to say that I’m not committed enough to the party. I would say I’m picking my battles- I can’t join as much as I like because I don’t want to look and feel tired everyday when I’m at work or with the Party, so I join the more important ones and show up occasionally so that they know I’m available.

When GE came I helped out in my own ways on and off-line, and I hoped that some people on the fence were swayed by my efforts.

It’s really no joke traveling home from Punggol East SMC. It really felt like someone up there have a cruel sense of humour when Bernard and Lilian asked me to join their campaign. Thankfully the Taxi fare hikes didn’t take place then – then again, I guess they were just waiting for GE to be over first.

I was just glad when the entire campaign was over. I’ve never read so many articles online in my life. I tried my hand at crafting a few of my own, and though most never saw the light of day as I felt they were grossly inadequate compared to some of the wonderful pieces written by students and workers alike, I was glad that there were many people who did care about what’s going on in the country, and that like me- they wanted to live in a better Singapore.

One of the greatest moments for the year would no doubt be the rallies.
Since I joined the Party only in 2007, and I wasn’t politically active previously, this would be the first time in my life that I’ve attended a lawful gathering so big in Singapore (Countdowns not included).
There were so many people there, so many people who wanted to hear what the candidates had to say. A lot of firsts happened those 9 days.

Source: WP Facebook Page

The pride I had when I recited the Pledge together with Pritam Singh that night, as well as the joy I felt when it was confirmed we had won Aljunied GRC.

If you’re one of those who attended a WP Rally in this year’s GE, let’s just say it feels very different when you’re standing on the other side.

Throughout all this, I begin to realise that there is much I can do without being physically present all the time, and I’m going to keep on working in that direction to help in my own way.
Either that or get my own car and transport somehow. Maybe this one?

Source: WP Facebook page

Love:
Many of my closer friends would know that I’ve been nursing a major heartbreak that happened a few days before my birthday in 2010.
There’s a saying that it takes the same amount of time you spent in a relationship to get out of it. They’re not exactly wrong.

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It was a very painful process trying to pick myself up from how far I’ve fallen back then. And it was definitely not as easy as some of my friends would make it out to be.
There were so many lessons I learnt through this heartbreak, that I really don’t know where or how to begin.

Maybe I’ll just list a few of them here:

1) When in depression, watch funny movies/shows.
Comedies really helped to lessen the pain of waking up to what feels like a meaningless day of work/battle.
And laughter is exceptionally important when all you feel like doing is to crawl back to bed and not move.

2) Stop thinking and just do things.
I got pretty busy at work, and I went out frequently with friends even though I really didn’t feel like doing it at times.
That helped to take my mind off things which was really important. I knew nothing would be done if I kept dwelling on it, and it was the first step to moving on and getting life back.

3) Have a support group of people that cares and understands.
No one in life will understand what you’ve been through. Heartbreaks are different for everyone, but some have gone through pretty bad ones themselves. These are the people who can empathize with you and give you a pat on the back when you need one.

4) Restrict time spent with friends who brush it off, do not understand, or laugh at your face about it.
It hurts so much whenever they laughed at how dumb I was. These friends are important in the later stages of recovery, but it can really feel like you’ve been stabbed whenever they start laughing about it. I survived somewhat, but I don’t think you’ll want to do the same.

5) Forgive yourself and move on.
You have to realise at some time that the person that needs forgiveness the most, is not the other party but yourself.
This was especially true for my situation, and you have to realise that as humans, we all make mistakes and it is no different in relationships.
As simple as it looks, its one of the hardest things to do. Its one of the things you have to do eventually, if you want to move on.

There are many more lessons I’ve learnt, but I don’t intend to list them all here.
If you’re in a heartbreak, I hope that you have your own support group to rely on. If you don’t mind, I can be here for you.
I’ve been in your shoes somehow, and will do what I can to help you get over it if you want to.

Life, friends, and the way ahead
Above all that, there’s still life and friends.

I’ve had the good luck and opportunity to catch up with many of you wonderful people this year, and I have also made the conscious decision not to contact some of the less wonderful ones.
For a few simple reasons actually. I believe that you are who you hang out with- if I don’t like certain things you say or do, there’s no point in me constantly meeting you if its just going to annoy me further.
Add that to the fact that ever since work started, time has become more precious and I would rather stay at home and enjoy some alone time, then to be criticized and lectured on things you think I should be doing, but am not.

And if you don’t believe you’re on the latter, it may be because I’ve been busy (just like you), and couldn’t find enough time or energy to meet. Lets try to catch up again soon!

I believe I’ve learnt quite a bit from each and every interaction that I’ve had this year, and I hope to continue learning from your experiences and words.
As they say, it is much better and faster to learn from the pain and experiences of others, than to keep making your own mistakes.

Ultimately, I believe life is about choices and finding a balance between work and responsibilities, fun, play and alone time.

If you’ve read this far on what must be one of the longest posts in this blog, I commend you and will let you into a fact that you may already know.

I’ll be headed to the University of Tasmania (which is in Australia by the way) next year on Valentine’s day to take up my Bachelor’s in Law. It’ll be a three year course, and I’ll be coming back every mid-late November til February to work and well, catch-up.

I intend to busy myself over there even though I keep hearing there’s nothing much to do after 5pm, and I will continue to learn new things and to improve myself. You will see a different Aaron Peng very soon.

And if you’re wondering why the whole post been about learning and improving, Its because I believe that if you do not improve, you will fall behind others and eventually be made redundant. Life without learning is death.

Don’t remain stagnant my friends. Last but not least, thank you all for being in my life, and I apologize if I have inadvertently hurt you in any way.

Goodbye 2011, and lets all look forward to a wonderful and memorable 2012 ahead.

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